Two girls walk into a bar on their way to see a psychic….

“OmigoshI’msonervous.” I tend to speak rapidly when I’m nervous.

“I wasn’t earlier, but now…me too.” To tell the truth, Jen did look a little pale.

“You know, after we down this beer, everyone sitting outside on State Street is totally going to watch us walk in to a psychic, right? They will probably talk about us. About those two single girls in their 30′s going to see a psychic on State Street.” This is when I really need to learn not to vocalize every thought I process.

“Yeah. Yeah, they totally are.” Great. Now Jen looked even more pale.

And the weird thing? This wasn’t even my first psychic visit this week. But to explain how I ended up going to two different psychics, in two different states, in one week, I need to back up.

It all started Monday night over dinner with an old friend during an out-of-state work trip. While talking, I happened to mention that Jen and I made an appointment for a psychic reading in Madison, just for fun, and were going as soon as I got back.

“I have always wanted to do that.” Sarah’s admission made me feel excited about my future plans. “I used to live in this area. There’s a tarot card reader in a house just a block up the street. We should totally go.”

…why not?

So we made our way down the street to my first occult experience of the week.

Entering a home with a neon Open sign glowing in the window, we situated ourselves in the living room as directed. The woman was warm and friendly, so I felt at ease. Or maybe it was the extra glasses of wine our server kept sneaking us at dinner. Either way, I was comfortable and ready to hear about whatever visions she saw.

For a tarot reading, you are handed a deck of cards and instructed to think of any issues you seek clarity on, while shuffling. The psychic then cuts the deck and you pick from which half you want your reading done. I chose the left.

According to a woman in Arlington, VA, I am going to lead a long and healthy life. As is everyone in my family. I will get married and it will be a happy marriage, with 1-3 kids.  I need to focus on being more open-minded, as this person will not fit my traditional “type.” In fact, if I am open-minded I can meet him as early as tomorrow. Most likely though, I will meet him at the end of 2012 or the beginning of 2013. We won’t start dating right away, rather it will take about four months after meeting until our first date. I will be successful at whatever I do, and my book will become published. I will have a writing breakthrough mid-August.

Sarah  will be successful as a mother, wife, and career woman, balancing it all. She will stay at home with her daughter for another year, at which point she will become passionate about opening her own business and have many people reporting to her.

And we both have really great auras. I like it.

Fast-forward to sitting in a bar with Jen in Madison, WI, I took a deep breath and reminded myself how well everything went on Monday and that I had nothing to be nervous about.

We anxiously took one last sip of our beers and headed next door. And I quickly missed my warm and friendly Arlington, VA psychic.

In life, I have learned that if someone claims they “unapologetically tell it like it is,” they tend to have an abrasive personality. And this woman was no exception. We both chose a psychic reading vs. tarot cards, and handed over our phones as an object for her to touch and get a “read” off of us.

It started out ok. She definitely nailed some things on the head. Things that were so accurate it was almost scary. But then things got weird. She started responding to text messages on her phone, had our two phones switched around in her hands (we don’t know for how long, her hands were under the table), and said some entirely inaccurate things. I felt disconnected to her visions. The appointment ended with her letting us know our chakras were so messed up, it was some of the worst she had ever seen.

Oh, and by the way, for a hefty fee she can fix all of that.

…right.

So are psychic readings real? And if the whole thing is real, how do you know you are going to a legit psychic? The thing is, you don’t know. And you never will. Which is why we approached everything from a fun angle, vs. a truth-seeking angle. We had some laughs, had some drinks, and went outside of our comfort zones for a new experience.

But just in case, I’m going work on being more open-minded.

Just in case.