Category Archives: Dating

The good, the bad, and the funny of online dating in Chicago: Part 1

Posted on May 19, 2013 | 2 Comments

Dating in your 30′s?

I love it.

Though there are expectations for everything, we’ve all been out of college for quite a while. We’ve gone through those first few jobs taken just to pad a resume and gain experience, consider our employment a “career” and not “just a job,” and are financially in a better place (well…at the very least I can now afford Barilla pasta with Prego instead of straight up Ramen).

Some of us have been serial dating for years, some have broken engagements, some are divorced. We’ve learned what we’re looking for and we’re clear about our intentions. Guys reach out to plan great dates, let you know they’re looking forward to seeing you, and plan follow-up dates immediately. There’s no “three-day rule” in this age group, sad girls in your 20′s.

But online dating in your 30′s? In a big city?

It’s frigging awesome.

More people to choose from, more things, to do, more adventures. Between the different neighborhoods, restaurants, coffee shops, Broadway shows, dinner places and museums there’s an endless selection of culture and fun. I’ve met some really great guys on eHarmony.

But let’s be honest. You don’t want to hear about the nice guys.

You want to hear about the train wrecks.

To start off, there was the “Perfect Week Guy.” Thankfully, he remains the only one of my dates to brag about his sexual conquests over beers and appetizers. And yet was somehow was surprised when I wouldn’t go back to his apartment with him to watch How I Met Your Mother.

Another guy that I was seeing for a few dates asked me out on a Friday night. When I showed up, I found out I was at an event…for singles. Left to my own devices for the evening (he explained he’s very social and therefore was going to be working the crowd much of the night), I thankfully managed to have a lot of fun and make some new friends. And then decided we should probably just be friends…

Another guy I had been on a few dates with invited me over to his neighborhood for dinner. Excited to try Moroccan food for the first time, I gladly headed his way. We walked over to the BYOB establishment, bottle of wine in hand…and didn’t even get to make it past the hostess stand. There was a sign on the door stating they only take cash. And he just got back from a bachelor party weekend. And spent all his cash at the strip clubs. And then proceeded to tell me about the lap dance he bought for himself and how much it cost while talking with his mouth completely full of food that was spraying everywhere while we were at our second choice restaurant (that place took credit cards).

And then tonight I got an email from someone I’ve been communicating with for a few weeks. Responding to my asking about his weekend, he informed me he had an amazing time with an out-of-state girl he met on eHarmony. She came to the city and they had a great weekend long date. He then asked my number so we could move forward with texting and calling before going out on a date of our own.

So far…no absolute horror stories, some really great dates, and some pretty laughable situations.

It’s going to be a great summer.

frogkiss

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Posted in Chicago, Dating, LOLZ

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“The Perfect Week” Guy

Posted on March 11, 2013 | 5 Comments

***Names have been changed to protect the not-so-innocent***

This weekend, I carefully applied my make-up, did my hair, and selected a cute outfit. It was my second eHarmony date planned since arriving in Chicago and I was super excited to meet someone new and check out a fun place in the city.  I took the Metra in (I don’t move to the city for another 3 weeks), grabbed a cab, and stepped out to see my date standing in front of the bar, right on time, looking much cuter in person than his pictures. We’ll call him….Freddy.

Freddy put our name down for a table and walked me over to the bar to get a drink. He was a perfect gentleman, helping me take off my coat, and handing me the drink menu first to look over, first.

But then he started talking.

Within five minutes I learned the value of the condo he could have bought at Trump Towers. A short-sale for a little less than $500,000, it was still affordable to him – even with the $1,000 monthly condo association fees. I briefly wondered what he would think about the value of my former condo in Sun Prairie…and how he could have bought close to five of them at that rate….

Not wanting to talk money on a first date, I changed the subject to work locations. Turns out both our jobs are just off Michigan Avenue. He knew right where mine was, mentioning it was very close to the new Burberry store. I remarked that I had been there once but it was a little intimidating. Freddy then told me he did a lot of shopping there.

I immediately felt a tiny bit self-conscious of the Target Merona brand scarf I had with me…

Realizing I was out of my league in the knowledge of designer labels, I changed the subject to Chicago neighborhoods. Freddy talked about looking for a condo in the Wicker Park / Bucktown area at one point. I happen to love that area! But – and he actually made a sweeping gesture from his head to his toes to indicate he was referencing his clothes – he didn’t think he’d fit in there. Those Wicker Park / Bucktown area folks just wouldn’t know what he was wearing.

All I could think was “I don’t know what labels you are wearing…are you sure you want to be out with me?”

Our table was finally ready and at this point I was just hoping he was super nervous and maybe he’d relax and I could get to know him. So we sat down. And the conversation turned to How I Met Your Mother, one of my favorite shows.

“My groups of friends and I, well we love that show. We all fit a role of one of the characters.” Said Freddy, rather proudly.

“Oh,” I said “so, are you the most like Ted?” It was an easy assumption. I mean, he seemed sweet (on his profile), and he was on eHarmony for crying out loud. Why wouldn’t I think he was the one on a quest for love?

“Oh no! I’m like Barney!” Freddy’s exclamation kind of threw me off. “Have you ever seen ‘The Perfect Week’ episode?”

I wasn’t quite sure where he was going with this. “Yeah, you mean the one where Barney sleeps with a different girl each night of the week, seven days in a row?”

“Yes! That’s the one! That was the first episode I saw and I was hooked right away. I’ve had a perfect week before, too!”

Oh. My. God.

File under: The things you just don’t brag about on a first date.

If that wasn’t bad enough, you guys, he actually followed it up with “Practice makes perfect!”

Over the next half hour, most of his sentences started with “I probably should not share this on a first date, but…” I learned Freddy lives across the street from one ex girlfriend and keeps in touch with all exes. Well, except the two different girls he had once been engaged to.  He boasted he was a “tell it like it is” guy and always straight forward and blunt. And he was very impressed that I didn’t recoil when he told his Perfect Week Story. Turns out most girls react to that declaration quite negatively.

“Damn, my poker face is getting pretty good.” Were my first thoughts, followed quickly by “if all girls are repulsed by that story, wouldn’t you think to stop telling it?!”

And so, I went on my way back to the train station. Not without Freddy first trying to get me back to his place to watch How I Met Your Mother Episodes. I politely told him I didn’t want to end up a Dateline special, or inspire another plot for Law & Order SVU, and got into a cab.

And the next day when he reached out, I told him I didn’t think we were a good dating match and politely wished him the best of luck.

Freddy can take his perfect week.

I’m still holding out for the perfect date.

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Top Five Friday: Top 5 Things Not to Say to the Single Girl at the Holiday Party

Posted on November 16, 2012 | 1 Comment

Holiday Party Season is upon us, which means evenings full of forced conversation, sparkly sweaters, and too much eggnog. We tear open hastily wrapped white elephant gifts as we mingle with co-workers, friends, and family.

As a single girl attending these parties without a date, attention sometimes clings to your dating status. And God forbid you show up sans date after age 30! Inevitably, you end up being cornered to supply answers to any or all of these top five most awful questions to ask a single girl at a holiday party:

5. So, any new dating prospects?

This wording is traditionally reserved for work functions. As though achieving a date to next year’s holiday party is the ultimate goal. Which equates to obtaining a lot of prospects.

Which, in turn, makes me wonder if they would refer to a fiance as a tentative, and a husband as a definite.

Just saying.

4. [Insert random name here] in the [insert random department here] department is single….

At no other time during the year would anyone ever suggest you date _____ in the _____ department. I mean, let’s be honest. If he was that cute I would have tried already. And regardless, dating someone at work is a bad idea in general. But something in the minds of smug couples making conversation with the single girl in the company makes them want to rack their brain for new prospects.

Apparently their minds only have the capacity to wander so far.

3. So, uh….what are you doing to celebrate the holidays with your…parents?

Nothing’s been set in stone yet, but I’m scheduling myself to answer the same questions at home, presented with different verbage.

2. Have you tried match.com or eHarmony yet?

Yes.

And, if you must know, I also recently responded to a request for a holiday girlfriend.

I’m starting to think that, joke or not, the guy who made that original post was on to something…

1. Wait, isn’t that your third piece of cake?

Ok. My single status you can question all night. But chocolate cake consumption?

Now you’ve gone too far.

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Posted in Dating, LOLZ, Top 5 Friday

Two girls walk into a bar on their way to see a psychic….

Posted on August 5, 2012 | 7 Comments

“OmigoshI’msonervous.” I tend to speak rapidly when I’m nervous.

“I wasn’t earlier, but now…me too.” To tell the truth, Jen did look a little pale.

“You know, after we down this beer, everyone sitting outside on State Street is totally going to watch us walk in to a psychic, right? They will probably talk about us. About those two single girls in their 30′s going to see a psychic on State Street.” This is when I really need to learn not to vocalize every thought I process.

“Yeah. Yeah, they totally are.” Great. Now Jen looked even more pale.

And the weird thing? This wasn’t even my first psychic visit this week. But to explain how I ended up going to two different psychics, in two different states, in one week, I need to back up.

It all started Monday night over dinner with an old friend during an out-of-state work trip. While talking, I happened to mention that Jen and I made an appointment for a psychic reading in Madison, just for fun, and were going as soon as I got back.

“I have always wanted to do that.” Sarah’s admission made me feel excited about my future plans. “I used to live in this area. There’s a tarot card reader in a house just a block up the street. We should totally go.”

…why not?

So we made our way down the street to my first occult experience of the week.

Entering a home with a neon Open sign glowing in the window, we situated ourselves in the living room as directed. The woman was warm and friendly, so I felt at ease. Or maybe it was the extra glasses of wine our server kept sneaking us at dinner. Either way, I was comfortable and ready to hear about whatever visions she saw.

For a tarot reading, you are handed a deck of cards and instructed to think of any issues you seek clarity on, while shuffling. The psychic then cuts the deck and you pick from which half you want your reading done. I chose the left.

According to a woman in Arlington, VA, I am going to lead a long and healthy life. As is everyone in my family. I will get married and it will be a happy marriage, with 1-3 kids.  I need to focus on being more open-minded, as this person will not fit my traditional “type.” In fact, if I am open-minded I can meet him as early as tomorrow. Most likely though, I will meet him at the end of 2012 or the beginning of 2013. We won’t start dating right away, rather it will take about four months after meeting until our first date. I will be successful at whatever I do, and my book will become published. I will have a writing breakthrough mid-August.

Sarah  will be successful as a mother, wife, and career woman, balancing it all. She will stay at home with her daughter for another year, at which point she will become passionate about opening her own business and have many people reporting to her.

And we both have really great auras. I like it.

Fast-forward to sitting in a bar with Jen in Madison, WI, I took a deep breath and reminded myself how well everything went on Monday and that I had nothing to be nervous about.

We anxiously took one last sip of our beers and headed next door. And I quickly missed my warm and friendly Arlington, VA psychic.

In life, I have learned that if someone claims they “unapologetically tell it like it is,” they tend to have an abrasive personality. And this woman was no exception. We both chose a psychic reading vs. tarot cards, and handed over our phones as an object for her to touch and get a “read” off of us.

It started out ok. She definitely nailed some things on the head. Things that were so accurate it was almost scary. But then things got weird. She started responding to text messages on her phone, had our two phones switched around in her hands (we don’t know for how long, her hands were under the table), and said some entirely inaccurate things. I felt disconnected to her visions. The appointment ended with her letting us know our chakras were so messed up, it was some of the worst she had ever seen.

Oh, and by the way, for a hefty fee she can fix all of that.

…right.

So are psychic readings real? And if the whole thing is real, how do you know you are going to a legit psychic? The thing is, you don’t know. And you never will. Which is why we approached everything from a fun angle, vs. a truth-seeking angle. We had some laughs, had some drinks, and went outside of our comfort zones for a new experience.

But just in case, I’m going work on being more open-minded.

Just in case.

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Posted in Dating, Friendship, Love, MISC, Traveling

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Top Five Friday: Top 5 Things Not to Say to a Single Girl at a Wedding

Posted on August 3, 2012 | 5 Comments

Wedding season is upon us, which means Saturday evenings full of taffeta, tulle, and too many beers. We tear up as we watch our friends walk down the aisle, full of happiness and excitement for the new couple as we join in their celebration.

As a single girl attending weddings without a date, attention sometimes clings to your dating status. And God forbid you show up sans date after age 30! Inevitably, you end up being cornered to supply answers to any or all of these top five most awful questions to ask a single girl at a wedding:

5. When’s it going to be your turn?

Does anyone actually think the person they are asking knows the answer to this question? I’m currently taking any suggestions of smart-ass-without-being-mean responses to use. And really start to appreciate the open bar at this point in the evening.

4. Don’t worry, when you stop looking the right guy will come along!

Oh. Ok. So I’ll just be over here at the bar then. Here I am. At the bar. NOT LOOKING. Just hanging out trying to think of a smart-ass response to your first question.

3. Are you looking? Because you really should be putting yourself out there if you want to find anyone.

I’m so confused. Isn’t this opposite of what that other person said? Bartender? Help.

2. I just let that cute single groomsman know that you are available and looking. I bet he comes over here any second!

Oh dear God. If that doesn’t scream desperate, I don’t know what does. Not to mention that by now I’m on my third glass of wine so if the super cute and single groomsman does happen to make his way over here, I’m toast as soon as I open my mouth. Someone hide me.

1. Wait, isn’t that your third piece of cake?

Ok. My single status you can question all night. But chocolate cake consumption?

Now you’ve gone too far.

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Posted in Dating, Family, Friendship, Love, Top 5 Friday

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Top 5 Reasons I’m Not Responding to Your Online Dating Profile

Posted on May 8, 2012 | 9 Comments

5. The Picture Fail.

I’d be proud of those abs too, but I don’t need to see 18 shirtless pictures of you, sans top, with your fist pumped in the air Jersey Shore style.

Or maybe you’re the guy with all the bad quality photos, taken by a cell phone. Which you are holding. In front of a mirror. In the bathroom. You know, the same room the toilet is in? Gross. 

A few recent (clothed) pictures where we can see your face is all you need.

4. The Rebound Fail.

We have all (hopefully) dated before. Which means we all (for better or for worse) have a little bit of baggage. And while I get that not every relationship ends perfectly, I don’t need to hear several times you are “very recently back on the dating scene.” And that you want to take things slow while you mend your broken heart and try to learn to trust again.

Trust me – this has “rebounding” written all over it.

3. Grammar, Spelling and Awful Words.

A lot vs. alot. There, their, and they’re. Or (my latest personal favorite) both using and misspelling the word “doosh.”

Look, a mistake here and there is fine. Lord knows I think spell-check is to email like red wine and drunk texting is to Girl’s Night Out. But if your messages and profile are littered with horrible spelling and incorrect grammar, I’m moving on to read something else.

3. The Copy/Paste Fail.

We know there are a lot of us on online dating sites. And we realize you can save a lot of time by playing the numbers game. But be careful, gentlemen. For if you copy and paste the same generic email to every girl who fits your criteria, sooner or later some of us are going to be on to you. Probably because our best friend (who is on the same dating site) called us to read your identically “dooshy” message while laughing at your Jersey Shore imitation photos.

I honestly admire the copy/paste theory. A short and sweet email, written well, can effectively save a lot of time. But in order to make it a success, please just mention at least one personal thing you read about us in our profile.

2. The One Word Email.

Recently, when I signed up for a popular dating site, I spent about an hour revising (and spell-checking) my profile before making it public. I was excited to see I had an email from someone within 15 minutes.

Until I opened it. The email had just one word: “Sexxxxyyyyyy.” Um…? But that’s ok because I got another one within the next fifteen minutes. I was excited again!

Until I opened that one. All it said was “Hey.”

Honestly, I’d rather have to wait an extra day or so to hear a nice and thoughtful message from you. If you don’t have time to write more than a word, wait until you do. If you can’t think of a message with more than one word, I promise we don’t belong together.

1. The Too Many Words Email.

On the other hand, saying way to much too soon can be a real downer.

This includes (but is not limited to): detailing the story of your divorce, telling us how you chose the name for your second child, divulging financial problems, declaring your love for bonsai trees passionately referring to bonsai tress as “your babies” multiple times, proposing marriage, and walking us through how you are a perfect match for every. single. last. one. of our personal details we mentioned on our profiles.

Just don’t do it.

I don’t consider myself an expert. I’m just your average girl trying to survive online dating. But stay away from these five things in the online dating world, and you should be good to go.

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This single girl’s take on Valentine’s Day

Posted on February 7, 2012 | 2 Comments

You guys. I have a secret: I’m single. And I don’t totally hate Valentine’s Day.

In fact, quite the opposite.

How many of you out there watch How I Met Your Mother? For those raising your hands, hold tight a second. Everyone else, I need to fill you in on a reference I’m about to make.

Almost exactly a year ago, on Valentine’s Day in fact, HIMYM aired its 128th episode titled Desperation Day. Barney, the totally awesome womanizer of the group, gave this name to the day before Valentine’s Day. His theory was that single women would hook up with just about anyone on the 13th, desperate to land a last-minute date on Valentine’s Day

That night, Robin and her friends have a girl’s night. They pointedly wear purple as a protest against the holiday. Joining them later is their co-worker Nora. She shows up in yellow, claiming to have forgotten their pact to revolt against the color of love and the need to have a man on February 14th.

The thing is, Nora was keeping a secret. She didn’t forget to wear purple. She wore yellow because she was protesting their protest.

And truth be told, I’m on her side.

Yes I know it’s become a bit of a commercial holiday. Yes I believe it would be nice to celebrate it with a guy. And yes, at times a very small part of me could really care less about it in general, single or not.

But the thing is, I think it’s sweet hearing about all the nice things people do for each other on the 14th. It’s a date on the calendar that reminds people in relationships to stop and smell the roses (pun intended). To show appreciation. And, with all the terrible stories you come across on the news, why not indulge in a little more amore?

I may be accused of loving love. And I’m ok with that.

And in one week from today, if you see me wearing yellow, you’ll know why.

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So about that book I’m writing about online dating…

Posted on January 22, 2012 | 6 Comments

You guys. Do I have horror stories from online dating?

Do I ever.

I was perusing through match.com and eHarmony before internet dating was widespread. Before it was a socially acceptable way to meet someone. Back in the days when people tried to keep it hush-hush and make up pretend ways you met, if things actually worked out. Back before cute, successful singles were featured on commercials having cute and succesful dates.

Player please.

I’ve been out with guys who looked nothing like their profile pictures (one I nicknamed “The Frankenstein Guy”). Guys who insisted I pay for the bill after a few beers (twice! He asked me out to dinner after the second time. I wrote back telling him I couldn’t afford it).

I’ve been stood up, left on a sidewalk on State Street in front of a bar by a blind date. He showed up 15 minutes late, walked by looking me up and down, and ducked into a doorway calling to cancel feigning an emergency. When I called him out on it, he said I was too tall. That same week I went out with a guy who, within ten minutes, told me he had Aspergers, that doctors wanted to medicate him for other various things, and that he would never succumb to mind altering drugs. You know. Since he didn’t want to change his personality and all. When I got up to use the restroom (read: figure out a polite way to get the hell out of there) he blurted out my frame was so not what he expected, being a marathoner and all.

You guys. That was a rough week.

There have been guys who have talked about nothing but ex-girlfriends. Guys who have gotten drunk off of two beers. Guys who bought me completely inappropriate gifts after only a few dates.

The memorable ones earn nicknames. For instance, “Fig Newton Guy” acquired his by telling a story about consuming too many Fig Newtons before running the Chicago Marathon. Which caused him to make a pit stop in a porta-pottie. Which he described in detail to me. Over dinner. At a Mexican restaurant.

(And I’ll bet he thinks I didn’t finish my meal because of some odd theory about girls not liking to eat in front of guys)

Despite the horror stories, I still think it’s a great outlet to meet people. At age 31 it’s not like I’m hitting up the bars on a weekly basis. And honestly, it cracks me up. Each date is either a great time, a snore-fest, or another adventure to live to tell about. So I approach it with a positive attitude. And why not? I may not be able to control the weirdos, but I can control my attitude.

That. And I can write a book about a girl who takes on the adventures of online dating.

So far, I have a title. I have an outline. I have characters, a plan, a plot, an ending. I’m 900 words in, with a goal of 65,000. All the makings for a work of fiction, based off of real-life experiences. My horror stories are now transformed from mentally exhausting situations into laughable writing material.

So here’s where you come in. If you or your friends have stories to share, I’d love to hear them. Sending them to me ensures I have full creative rights (read: if by some miracle I get published, I won’t be mailing out checks and I may change things around slightly to fit into the storyline). The idea is the main character experiences the same situations we’ve all suffered through and lived to laugh about. The book will be dedicated to each and every person willing to send me their tales. I’ve got some great feedback already (thanks Angie!) and welcome anything more that comes in.

If you’re game, I’m at nixietale@gmail.com.

xoxo,
Nixie

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