Oh, the match.com form letter approach.
In theory, it’s the start of a great idea in the making. Create one basic message universal enough to copy and paste to multiple girls on match.com, therefore not wasting time personalizing an email to those accounts that are not paying active members, or those who are not interested in you. Get an email back? Then spend time crafting a witty response.
But here’s the problem. First of all, it’s completely transparent. They all say something insanely generic (i.e. “you have a great smile”) with zero indication they’ve even looked at your profile, about 90% of them have blatantly obvious incorrect grammar and/or spelling (not that I’m great at this, but if you’re going to copy paste something, wouldn’t you at least use spell check?), and about half of them don’t ask any questions to get a conversation rolling.
And looking through my friend Amanda’s match.com account last night at the bar, it appeared this was the communication style of choice by many as of late.
Maybe it was because we were drinking, maybe it was because we were annoyed at how little time these guys put into this approach (really, guys, you can’t make one comment about the profiles to show you’ve looked at them?!), or maybe it was because we were drinking (wait, did I already say that?) We decided to start replying. Words in bold are from an actual, unedited email. Responses are italicized. We’ll let you know if TRON responds.
I hope this email finds you in good spirit.
Well, I’m drinking at the bar and there some really good “spirits” in the glass in front of me…so far, so good!
Your answers to these questions will help me determine if we are a vibrational match, in other words, compatible. There are no right or wrong answers to these questions only if you and me are right or wrong for each other.
Thank you for explaining what the hell you mean by ‘vibrational’ because I was caught up on that for a second. Then again, I am drinking, so….Also, I really super hope I answer all the questions right and not wrong on this test.
Do you believed you attract what you think about?
I think about wine a lot and it’s in front of me, so….yes!
Do you rely on other people and external events for your happiness?
At the moment, I’m relying on the bartender for my happiness. Does that count? Also, I’m confused about part two of this particular test question – can you clarify what makes an event ‘external’ as opposed to ‘internal?’ Like, do you mean did it happen outside or inside, or…?
Do you seek validation of self-worth from others?
Nah, I don’t think so. But can you let me know if I’m answering the questions right so far? Just to make sure I’m doing it right? Like, what do you think of me so far?
Do you accept and allow others to be who they are?
Wait, hold up. You mean I could have not accepted and not allowed my ex-boyfriends to be extreme idiots? This….this is an option?
Do you always practice looking for the positive aspect in everything, in everyone and every educational experience?
Everyone knows that after college you’re totes done with educational experiences, so I know this is a trick question! Do I get extra points for figuring that out?
Do you believed and practice unconditional love by not trying to control people and condition to make you happy?
This test is starting to get really hard. I’m going to get another glass of wine and come back to this one, ok?
Do you appreciate leading edge thinkers and leading edge conversation that open up your mind and spirit?
Um….what’s an edge thinker?
Are you generally a happy person?
We just got shots and can’t stop yelling “Wooo!” while smiling, so I think so, yes!
What do you think about and what do you that makes you happy?
Shots! Shots! Shots shots shots shots!
What’s more important to you, the way you feel when you are with your beloved or the way your beloved physically looks and the way he makes you feel?
Whoa. I read this one like maybe four times and am still confused how option one is different from option two, other than in option two the dude’s not ugly, so I pick number two!
I invite you to email me and answer these questions and we’ll see where it goes. Looking forward to your answers.
Thank you for the invitation! I rarely get invited to things, so this made my day.
Welcome! So, did I pass?!